Where Do I Belong?: Reflections from Childless Aunts, Uncles & Godparents
For those of us who are childless not by choice, our place in the lives of children, whether as aunts, uncles, godparents, or chosen family, can feel both beautiful and complex. In a recent episode of our podcast, John and Ben joined Sarah, Michael, and Berenice to talk openly about this delicate balance: the joy of connection, the pain of exclusion, and the constant negotiation of emotional space. And if you don’t identify with these roles, there’s a pause to reflect with Berenice.
We heard about the tension of being deeply invested in a child’s life but not quite knowing where the boundaries lie. As John shared:
“You can feel both incredibly connected and painfully peripheral at the same time. It’s a strange emotional space to live in.”
Ben reflected on how grief shifts over time, saying:
“I think my grief has matured. I don’t live with it daily, but it catches me off guard sometimes, especially at children’s parties or milestones.”
For parents who want to support childless friends, colleagues or siblings, it offers practical guidance:
Acknowledge the value of these roles
Don’t make assumptions about their limits or intentions
Invite people in, but respect their boundaries
As Sarah said, as an aunt who is childless,:
“You want to help, you want to be there, but you’re constantly negotiating your role around the unspoken rules of parenting.”
