Coping During Holiday Events

Before You See Them

If you must spend time with people who may not understand childlessness, planning can really help. If you’re staying over, think in advance about how you’ll get breaks. Meet up with friends in the area, go for a walk, or visit a museum. Can you stay in a nearby hotel or B&B so you have somewhere to retreat to?

Prepare for awkward questions. Have a few phrases ready such as, “I find this too hard/painful/difficult to talk about.” You can then gently redirect the conversation or move it on. If you anticipate what the questions might be, it may be easier to avoid or manage them.

Practice staying grounded. Take a few deep breaths, feel your feet on the floor, and notice the earth supporting you. Try connecting to your surroundings rather than the situation. Box breathing works for me: inhale through your nose for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, then hold again for four.

Gather a network of support. Message friends on WhatsApp or chat in the Full Stop Community, or download our Finding Connections for details of other spaces and help. If you have an ally at the gathering, agree on a code phrase to signal that you need to leave the room. Mine is“I have to get something from the car” — sometimes I sit in the car for a moment to remind myself that I can leave. If I have travelled by train, I set an alarm well ahead of leaving and remind myself of earlier train times — it’s my security.

Put something in place to nourish yourself. This might be cooking a favourite meal, lining up books to read, or getting outside for a walk. Try to prioritise looking after yourself before everyone else.

Manage the reality, not the Instagram version of life. Very few families or friendship groups are perfect. We often carry expectations shaped by the past, but that past can also guide us in understanding people’s limitations.

Let Them Do the Talking

Steer the conversation by getting in first and inviting others to talk. Ask about a holiday they’ve taken or an interest they enjoy. Two great prompts we’ve learned from the podcast and networking are “Tell me more” and “How did that happen?” — both help keep the conversation flowing.

Looking After Yourself During and After

Check in with what you need. If you feel anxiety rising, rate how you’re feeling on a scale of 1–10 and decide in advance what helps at each level. For example, 10 might be going for a walk, 9 sitting in a quiet space, and 1 simply taking a breath. Apps like Headspace and Calm offer meditations and breathwork, and the Full Stop podcast is available on Spotify and Apple, and Bindi Shah runs meditation classes.

Have an exit ready. A date with a book, a box set, or a podcast is a genuine commitment in our opinion! As is caring for a pet. Leaving to attend those “events” is a valid way to protect yourself.

Be compassionate with yourself. If you’re upset, remember that these moments happen, and you’re not alone. Give yourself a mental pat on the back, and remind yourself that this will pass.

Some Full Stop Community members carry their Full Stop Hug heart in a pocket as a comforting touchpoint and listen to a podcast before they go somewhere. One listener said, “I carried your voices into the room with me.”

If you find yourself ruminating, writing things down can help. Note what happened, how you responded, what you can do to distract yourself, and what might support you now.

Therapy can also help. If you’re stuck in repeated patterns or struggling with grief, professional support can be invaluable. You can find more resources in each podcast show notes and our Toolkit page.

Reconnect with people, places, and routines that help you feel better. A friend once called this “hard landscaping” for diaries — the solid, non-negotiable things that support you. Return to routines, chat online or in person, and make space for hobbies.

Finally, forget resolutions if they don’t work for you. January is just another month, and there’s no obligation to change anything. You might prefer setting gentle intentions throughout the year — or not doing anything at all.

Best wishes, Berenice x