Betrayal and Truth

Our experience’s so far have taught us the value and strength that comes from truth.  As much as its hard at times and uncomfortable for others, truth for us means facing up to the realities of our life.  It is devastating when those that you believe to be your support, use your truths against you.

It was the mid 90’s, my wife’s sister was getting married, Vickie had arranged for my mum to make the wedding dress as she was a dressmaker before my arrival.  Vickie was excited that she was part of her sister’s wedding, family dysfunction had not always worked in the favour of the relationship between the two sisters, but Vickie was hoping this would bring them closer together, because at that time her belief was ‘family is family regardless’.  What her sister chose not to mention was that her father was also going to be part of the wedding.  I can hear you all from here, saying ‘So!’, well let me elaborate.

As we might have mentioned in the past, Vickie was born when her mother was just 17 and due to circumstances at the time, Vickie’s dad wasn’t around.  When her mother was about 20 she married a man who would inflict unspeakable sexual cruelties on both Vickie and her mother.  Her mother had two children by the time Vickie was able to speak up to her about what was happening, she was 5.  To her mother’s credit, this motivated her to involve the authorities and this man was put away.  Mother and the three kids then lived an itinerant life, in fear that this man once out from prison would find them.

When the news broke about ‘the father’ being involved in the wedding it was heartbreaking for my wife, she confronted her sister who said something like ‘No, no I want you at my wedding, you’re my sister’.  Vickie made it quite clear, ‘if he goes I cannot and you know why, so the choice is yours’.  This was her truth.

To cut a very long story short, the sister chose the father.

My vocabulary fails me right now with how devastating this was for the beautiful soul that is my wife. Not only did ‘she’ choose the man that abused her sister over her, but as you can imagine the rejection of the horrific experiences endured by both Vickie and her mother, by her choice, was unforgivable.  As the build up to the wedding grew, questions began to be asked as to why her sister was not participating in the wedding.  To our horror, it became apparent the story being told was, Vickie being jealous of her sister because she had a child, didn’t want to be part of the wedding.

Vickie was broken, I was extremely angry.

I stormed around to their home with Vickie, I’m not sure what I was expecting to achieve, I was livid, what she had done was unforgiveable, even evil in my book.  The future husband was left to deal with us as ‘she’ ran off to the bedroom.  Nothing was achieved, our pleas for her to face up to the truth of the pain she has caused, went unheard.

The lessons of truth from this experience have guided us ever since, we chose to live overtly about our infertility, so that it could not be misunderstood.  Vickie to her credit decided that her experiences as a child needed to be expressed as she was the victim and should never be made to feel inferior for it.

The most hard hitting lesson of truth, was that her sister didn’t care for her or what she had been through.

So, why have we chosen to share this with you?

Post the inaugural World Childless Week 2017, we had been exposed to many stories of couples who keep their truth hidden.  Who navigate life, hiding the truth for their own individual fears of being exposed that they are infertile.

We want to tell you that the truth will set you free, tell it, don’t let it be misunderstood.

We hope that you will never be put into a situation like Vickie where it will be used against you, so get on the offensive and let it free.

I will tell you it won’t be easy, it will take time for there is nothing more frightening then facing up to your own fear.

But trust us when we say – Set your Truth Free