Dear Subscriber First Name

It’s the most wonderful time of the year in the land of advertising, Pinterest and parts of Instagram. We carefully plan all our episodes, and our December podcast is the one that we are most thoughtful about, not least because we have listeners, guests and readers across the world. This year we’ve brought in the theme of past, present and future and shared some thoughts from our Community. This time of the year often asks us to compare past, present, and imagined futures and those comparisons can be unforgiving - we’ve done our best to ease the load.

It’s a gentle chat with us three on reflections, hopes and some Christmas Grinch - you’ll have to listen to who is the most Grinchy! What surprised us was the ideas that we riffed on in the episode, ones that came to mind simply through talking out how hard this season can be.

We steer clear of politics and conflict but it’s fair to say that everyone has been affected in some way by global events these past 12 months. We hope that the Full Stop has been a source of togetherness this year. Each November, we work with Daniel, our accountant, who oversees our work, to compile our annual report so we can maintain our CIC status. We have to show growth, and we’re pleased to report that our visibility peaked and we’ve seen more sharing of our work by allies of childless people, which is enormously rewarding, as that can change narratives that often create silos. You can hear us talk about our highlights on Episode 81 (81 … eek!).

We’ve maintained a steady ship and are pleased to tell you we’re booking up for 2026 and have something new and exciting to share in our next newsletter. In a tumultuous world, we trust that this brings you comfort.

Also bringing comfort is our holiday chat. Each month, we host informal Zoom chats across time zones for our members. There’s space to talk, to listen, or simply to be present, without explanation or expectation, in a place with people who get it. Over the holiday season, we’re hosting three chats:

• Dec 24, 5 pm GMT Culture Club, bring a book to share with Berenice

• Dec 25, 9 am GMT Gentle holiday chat with Michael and Vickie

• Jan 1, 9 am GMT NY Gathering hosted by Sarah, Michael and Berenice

Childless not by choice people can join us for the first month at no cost, and from there, experience the community on a pay-as-you-go basis. We never want cost to prevent connection. Anyone who feels they would benefit from our community is warmly invited to contact the directors, in confidence, to request free membership.

If this sounds like something that might support you (or someone you know), please know you are welcome. Connection matters, especially at this time of year.

Let us know what’s on your mind. We love to hear from you. Contact us via social media or drop either one of us an email (Michael@, Sarah@ or Berenice@ thefullstoppod.com). 

We wish you a nourishing, kind and gentle Christmas, Yule, Solstice, Hanukkah and holiday season.

With love,
Berenice, Sarah and Michael

Christmases past, present and future

Well, it’s that time of year for many of us…The dreaded C word…Christmas. 

Such is the meaning attached to this time of year that the word itself can strike fear into the heart, cause significant distress with the procession of triggers or it can be bittersweet bringing joy tinged with sadness.

For me, it’s been something of a love/hate relationship that has seen me play a lot of Hokey-Cokey with Christmas, with some years being out with my whole body, and other years having a tentative foot in. 

And I think many of us sit with feeling very conflicted because Christmases of the past, present and future come along to haunt us, tempt us or give cause to beat ourselves up. It’s why I wanted to speak about it through a different lens, so rather than one of not coping, one that brings reflection and perspective. 

The Christmases of my childhood are bittersweet. They were filled with family, fun, noise, music and more decorations than you could shake a stick at. Our front room was a riot of colour, tackiness and mis-matched decorations on the tree. A real tree so laden with decorations it needed to be secured to the wall. There were presents, family visits and noise. It was riotous, joyous…and also impossible to replicate.

There were family members that are no longer with us but are still very much missed. There were traditions that I cannot continue without the generation I was meant to pass them onto, and there was music I can no longer listen to without the old pang of memories and grief.

And so, when I hit my first Christmas after my childlessness, I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t pretend to be OK with Christmas, the lack of children or that my Christmases would never bear any resemblance to what I had as a child. The grief of being robbed of my Christmases fuelled my rejection of it for years. 

A bowl of chocolate was as far as I could go. If I couldn’t have the Christmas I dreamed of, I would have none. It was dead to me. And so, it became colourless, quiet, lifeless. 

Fast forward to this year’s Christmas and I find myself craving colour, noise, and connection. I’m not able to put up decorations this year, thanks to two new cats that wreak havoc, but I will have a sacrificial temporary tree of sorts. I know there’ll be sadness, but the space I need for my Christmas grief has shrunk, much like my childless grief. 

I have joy, but it’s for different aspects of the festivities – the space to walk in the Winter weather, time to see people in my life that I love (friends and family), the joy of not feeling the need to conform to enforced fun. There’s a special type of thrill for me in not following the rules and celebrating how I need to. Quietly, with bursts of noise and a focus on Yule.  

I know I will continue to see Christmas change. Ageing parents, changes to my own grief and my needs also changing, mean that those in the future will continue to evolve, while those in the past will always remain the same. They remain happy and filled with nostalgia, but I cannot and will not hold myself to an impossible standard that will never be achievable. 

And so, as we enter another Festive period, I wish you all a peaceful and restful time, filled with care and compassion for yourself and permission to not hold yourself to an impossible standard. And perhaps we can all say a collective bah humbug to the ‘shoulds’. 

Sarah x

An Invitation To Ask

For many of us, this season arrives carrying far more than twinkly lights and festive cheer. It has a sneaky way of stirring memories, expectations, and emotions that don’t always sit comfortably together. It can be joyful, heavy, nostalgic, painful, and everything all at once.

Memories of earlier years can glow brightly in our memories: busy houses, familiar traditions, people who once filled the room, but those memories can remind us of what has changed, from the losses to the lives we longed for and the changing roles as people age and we may step up or step back. Jonah Lewie’s ‘Stop The Cavalry’ is a great song, but it brings up all sorts of feelings, since it was released when my late grandad was unwell and probably when I first became aware that Christmas could be tough for adults.

Christmas can be found in different places: winter walks, chosen company, quiet moments, or even the relief of not performing happiness on demand. My present Christmas has been a street fair in Cambridge where people go in groups, or alone and I’ve volunteered as it has special meaning for me and a late friend who started it. It’s held on the first weekend of December, and it wasn’t until this podcast episode that I realised it was a ‘new thing’ as the fair is still relatively new. I often take a short break in mid-December. This year, I stood on Horsey Mere in Norfolk and watched migrating geese squawk overhead in formation; they were magnificent.

Celebration doesn’t have to be loud or traditional to be meaningful. Sometimes it’s enough to meet ourselves where we are. I often think that it, much like birthdays, it can be a marker of the past year, and we might feel we didn’t do enough. Maybe the gentlest gift we can give ourselves is compassion for grief that still shows up and for surviving the holidays and honouring the New Year?

As Sarah reminds us, there is freedom in letting go of the “shoulds” — the rules about how the season must be done. This year, may we each find a version of holidays that feels honest, bearable, and kind. And if that means rewriting the script entirely, then so be it.

After all, rest, care, and permission might just be the best present of all.

Berenice x

A Time To Explore

We recorded this episode nearly two weeks ago, and at the time, I intended to call my newsletter piece “Why Can’t I Be Pissed Off at Christmas Time”, since I’d confessed to being the “good-time Grinch” during our discussions. But so much has changed here in Australia since then, and my feelings about Christmas pale in comparison to the senseless mass murder at Bondi.

“There is so much going on, I can’t think straight.”

What happened at Bondi has shaken Australia to its core. The commentary surrounding this tragedy is overwhelming, creating so much noise that it’s hard to think clearly right now.

So, instead of dwelling on the negative, I want to share something positive—a photograph that means a lot to me.

Back in 2012, we travelled to the UK to spend Christmas with my sister, and it snowed that year. It was Vickie’s first white Christmas. Here’s a little homework for you: I’ve always had a deep affinity for The Chronicles of Narnia books. That connection began at St. Leonards Infants School in Southminster, Essex, when our teacher would read those stories to us on Friday afternoons. I think that’s where my tendency toward escapism as a coping mechanism first took root. So this photo isn’t just a memory—it represents something deeply personal. Can you guess why?

It also symbolises what Vickie and I envision for our future Christmases: travelling and experiencing how this season is celebrated in different parts of the world.

Both Vickie and I send our warmest wishes to you all. We hope you find some solace and peace during this challenging time.

Michael x

Community News

We’ve written a tribute to our friend and guest, Nina Thair, who was on our podcast with Danielle, sharing their stories. Many of you will have met her - in person, or online - and we know she’ll be very much missed.

We loved Tessa Broad’s Christmas Ritual blogs on Substack

On Instagram, Life After IVF is publishing self-advice in the run-up to 25th December.

Congratulations to Yvonne John on becoming a qualified counsellor, and to Anne Barratt on her certification in Breathwork.

Dr Robin Hadley was on BBC Radio 4 on 12th November talking about Fatherhood during Woman’s Hour, as was Robert Nurden for BBC Radio Scotland. Both are on BBC Sounds app.

We loved this piece from Rae Bonney on LinkedIn in which Rae, a Workplace Psychosocial Safety Specialist talks with Dr Robin Hadley on the hidden heartbreak of male childlessness.

Kathleen Cavanagh has created a petition for the UK government ‘Childless to be eligible for Residence Nil Rate Band for inheritance tax’

Sacred Women Retreats, 2026 Karin, Yvonne, and Sarah welcome you to East Sussex for an in-person retreat on 9-12 April 2026. Here’s the link to book.

Congratulations to Helen Gallagher who has set up Childless Voices. We look forward to her making changes in workplaces.

Podcast Rewind

A perfect push back against goals is Bibi Lynch who joined us in January 2020 to talk about kicking off - recorded before we knew what was about to happen. Listen to her speaking with Michael and Sarah.

Helpline details

UK: Contact the Samaritans on freephone 116 123, they're open 24 hours and are there to listen and Mind.

USA: Suicide Prevention

Canada: Canada Crisis

Australia: Beyond Blue

Meriel Whale Counselling

Sarah Lawrence After The Storm

Many of our guests have channels online and blogs so you can follow what they do and read their words. Head to our podcast page, and click on the episode image to access the show notes and further reading.

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Disclaimer

The Full Stop podcast and content posted by The Full Stop Community CIC is presented solely for general information, and educational purposes. The guests’ views may not represent those of the Full Stop Community CIC, online community members or the co-directors. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.